Saturday, March 1, 2014

Things You Do When You Have Bronchitis for the 3rd time in 6 months:

1. Tough it out at work because you refuse to take any sick leave (that is for weaklings, plus you don't have any anyway). Scare everyone with your, "I would rather be dead than be here right now look," and "gravelly voice." Tell everyone you are certainly not contagious, although you have no idea if you really are contagious or not.  

2. Spew some weird sounding, delirious, half awake/half sleep nonsense after your husband wakes you up from a 4 hour nap, more accurately described as a coma. Scare him so much that he must ask you what day it is, what time it is, and what your name is. Swear the things you were saying made perfect sense to you at the time, and be so annoyed that he just didn't understand your mutterings. But when you wake up again, wonder what the heck were you talking about?

3. Attend book club sick because gosh darn it,  you are going to attend book club! Get disproportional pleased when the group chooses your book club selection for March: Wild (From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail) by Cheryl Strayed.

4. Watch all 4 hours of the Being Maci/Being Farrah/Being Amber/Being Catelynn Teen Mom catch up specials on MTV and cry, cry, cry because you are sick and maybe hormonal? I mean come on, is it really that sad that Farrah turned to porn and now owns a gigantic house in Texas?

5. Go to see the other Doctor that works with my regular Doctor because your Doctor is sick today. Remember she was sick the last time you were sick as well. Think it is a little disconcerting when your Doctor is sick as much as you are. It is like going to a hair dresser with a bad haircut.

I'm fully convinced that I own a set of crap lungs, that truly, honestly hate me and want to punish me. I don't even want to talk about it. But my lungs are free to a good decent, home. Any takers?

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