Problems & Results at 6 Weeks Post-Op

As I sit here tonight, I am 6 weeks out of excess skin surgery. And I wanted to document a little bit about the experience, as it has not been easy.  I had originally planned to take a week and a half off work, as honestly after my weight loss surgery, I could have gone back after a couple of days. 

But as the day to return to work drew near, I knew I wasn't ready. I had no energy. And when I tried to do anything I would spike a fever, so I ended up taking another week off.  Which was not optimal because it meant I would burn through all the leave, I needed for our Thanksgiving trip to Wisconsin (which is how Adam ended up going to Wisconsin without me, and I spent Thanksgiving at a friend's house).

So I finally went back to work after that two weeks, and I still didn't feel much better. I could barely walk, and I started to have immense pain at the drain entry sites. I would be OK for the morning hours, but moving around at work, just about killed me by the end of the day.

Due to driving around at work, I could not take my pain medication, which certainly didn't help the situation.  I could compartmentalize my pain just enough to get through the work day, but I would really start to feel it on the drive home. And then when I got home, I literally could not do anything. Adam would have to wait on me hand and foot. I couldn't even take off my clothes or prepare my own dinner.

After surgery, I had two drains. When your drains are putting out less than 15cc a day, you can get rid of them. Most patients get rid of them after a couple of weeks. But my drains continued to put out 50-75cc a day for over a month, which is unusual. This was caused by me being too active at work and not being able to get enough rest. But there was nothing I could do about it.

Three weeks after surgery, one of my drains started to slip out on its own, which caused even worse pain for me, and I had to tape it to my skin.  And then that drain started to decompress on it's own.

Drain problems caused me two late night emergency calls to the surgeon's office, and not to mention many nights moaning in pain. 

My surgeon finally let me remove the problemed drain, but I still continued to have pain with the other drain. Now I'm here at week 6, and I do have less pain, but I still have 1 drain. My output has been continuously dropping daily. So I'm hopeful I can get rid of it tomorrow at my follow up appointment.

I so want to get back to my normal life. I miss being able to clean, and I miss being able to workout. I just want to feel like my old self again.

But in good news, I'm super happy with the results. Here is my before/after pictures at 6 days post op:

And here is a more recent shot:

So I guess when it is all said and done, I will barely remember all the pain, and I will just be happy with the results.

Love,

B

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5 Days Post Op

Last Friday, I had three procedures. I had abdominal skin removal, a tummy tuck, and liposuction. I was pretty nervous, but it was something I've been wanting to do for a long time, and it ended up going fairly well.  I did not only do this for cosmetic reasons, the extra skin has also caused me health issues. As I would get rashes underneath the fat rolls, and I have suffered with back pain, throwing my back out on multiple occasions.

I am pretty pleased with the results. It is so crazy to me to have a flat stomach.  The fat roll the surgeon removed from my abdomen weighed 15 lbs! And in weird news, they made me a new belly button, as they removed my old one. That fact blew my mind.

Recovery is going OK. I haven't been in an immense amount of pain, but I'm taking my pain pills on a regular schedule to avoid pain. I do have a lot of medications, even one in shot form. I have two drains attached to my abdomen in order to drain excess liquids from surgery. But those are having to be emptied less and less as the days progress, and I'm hoping to go down to one drain pretty soon.  I also have to wear a binder around my stomach at all times to keep it compressed.

I've been overall pretty tired, napping a lot, and taking a shower takes up almost all my energy. But I'm starting to walk more and more, and just today I walked to the end of the street and back, which is good progress. 

I've been overwhelmed with gratitude for Adam, and how well he has taken care of me. Every morning he empties and cleans my drains. He makes sure I get my blood thinning shot and all my medications on time. He reminds me to stay hydrated and makes me walk around, even when I don't want to because my incision is hurting. He has prepared almost all my meals. He has helped me shower. And since I have to sleep in the recliner downstairs, he has slept every night on the couch. We are having a family camp out in the living room. He is amazing, and it is such a reminder that I am so lucky to have him. 

Heck, he even filled in for me at bowling league night.

Even Link has been quite the sweetheart. He seemed to understand when I first came home that I wasn't feeling well. He stayed by my side, and he often times looked concerned. And not once has he tried to jump on my lap or up on me, like he typically would. He has such a gentle heart.

My friends have also been super supportive, checking on my frequently with text and calls. My friend Lark stopped by on her day off to visit, and she brought me Starbucks & cookies. And another friend, Anna, sent me some adult coloring books and colored pencils. How sweet and how fun!

The best part of having this operation done is that it has reminded me how loved I am. I'm usually pretty independent, but it is nice to know when I need help, there are so many people willing to do so.

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Almost (Athens) Famous

Our local paper puts out a magazine called Limestone Live. And my mother contacted them about doing an article about my weight loss and running, and they ran with the story. I wasn't sure it was something I wanted to do, but now I'm kind of glad I did. It made me proud. You can click on the pictures below to read the article for yourself!

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Just Keep Swimming

I may have been born a Taurus, but I should have been born a water sign because I've always loved to swim. In fact, I don't remember not knowing how to swim. As a young girl/tween/teen, I would spend all day at the pool at my grandmother's country club every summer. I loved those summers! There was sun bathing and going for dips when it got too hot. I could order whatever I wanted to eat, charge it to grandma's tab, and eat it pool side. It all felt so fancy.

And although I continued to swim throughout the years, as I became overweight, I, of course, started to feel ashamed of how I looked in a swimsuit. Especially the tortuous chore of trying of swimsuits.

This year was the first year I didn't have to go to a plus size clothing store and spend nearly 100 dollars for a swimsuit. I was able to get one off the rack at Target. It wasn't the biggest size available, and it was not in the plus size section. And I feel really good in it, dare I say cute?  Losing 200 lbs will do that for you!

During our summer camp at work, we take the kids swimming every week. For the first two years of the program, I would never get in the pool with the children. I didn't want the children to say anything about my weight. Children have always had a tendency to comment on my weight, which has never bothered me! But when other adults would hear the comment, they would often start lecturing the child, which was mortifying. 

This year I have gotten in the pool with the children, and they love when I do. And this last week, I even jumped off the diving board for the first time in years and years. Now that I'm not scared of people watching me, I wanted to go for it. Jumping off the diving board was exhilarating and slightly terrifying. 

I did it several more times. 

I spend a good deal of my summer time at our local water park, mostly floating on the lazy river for hours and hours (Summer Manifesto #5).  It is so freeing to splash around without a concern about how my body looks, or what people may be thinking about me.

Last Sunday, I decided I wanted to try a slide there, known as the space bowl. A type of ride that I had ridden a few times at a water park close to where I grew up in St.Louis. So I did. I actually ended up not liking the ride, I fell down too hard and water went up my nose in the most miserable way.

But the point is I would (sadly) of never had the courage to go at all, if I wasn't at the weight I am now. I wouldn't want people watching me, I always thought I stood out (although this is probably was just self-absorption).

But I have to say that summer is great this year, and life is pretty good. Small victories are still happening everyday, even a year and a half past my surgery! What more could I ask for?

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Eating after Weight Loss Surgery: Salted Caramel Protein Hot Chocolate

I really, really love hot chocolate. Especially now that I've lost so much weight, and I am literally freezing all the time. I am never found around my house without a sweatshirt on and a thick pair of socks. And their is a constant battle over the thermostat going on in our marriage. So what is more warming on a cold winter night than hot chocolate?

I have been experimenting with different ways that I can enjoy hot chocolate guilt free for a while now. And I have found several varieties I do like. I like the sugar free hot chocolate packets well enough, and I have had luck with just simply heating up some of my pre-packaged protein shakes and then adding some sugar free syrups to them. But this is my favorite way to make hot chocolate, although it takes a little bit more effort (but not by much). I adapted this recipe from the recipe found on Bariatric Foodie.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup Unsweetened Almond Milk (or skim milk)
8 oz. boiling water
Sugar-Free Sea Salt Caramel Syrup (I use Torani)
1 big Spoonful of Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
1 scoop chocolate protein powder (I use unjury chocolate classic)
3-4 Packets Artificial Sweetener

Directions:

Combine protein powder, sweetener, and cocoa powder in a large mug. Add milk and stir until well combined. It should be thick but smooth.

Add boiling water, a little at a time, stirring as you go. Add the sea salt caramel syrup to taste. I just kind of pour in the amount I want. I'm not big on measuring. So taste test until it is to your liking. 

Enjoy.

This is just one of the many tasty ways I get my protein in!

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Eating After Weight Loss Surgery: Pepperoni Pizza Cauliflower Casserole

I have really been feeling like doing some cooking lately. I haven't done much cooking since I had surgery, I have cooked occasional meals for Adam, which I didn't eat. Or a few things here or there for myself, but it is rare. But I have a cookbook specifically for people who have had weight loss surgery, and I have made several pinterest boards full of recipes that would be good options for me, and I need to start trying them out. 

So today I made pepperoni pizza cauliflower casserole via this recipe.  I really love pizza, and I used to eat it like it was my job pre-surgery. But now I just have a few bites here and there, so I would love to find something to fill my pizza cravings!

This turned out surprisingly good! It was pretty simple to make, I even bought frozen cauliflower to make it easier. It was creamy and cheesy, and it even smelled like pizza when it was baking in the oven.

OK, so it's no deep dish sausage pizza smothered in ranch dressing or a slice from mellow mushroom. But it will do. I think next time I will take the suggestion of adding a little pizza sauce to make it even more authentic.

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1 Year Surgiversery

On January 8th, I celebrated my 1 year surgiversery. I waited all this time afterward to post about it because I've been so overwhelmed by it all, in the best way possible. I just can't believe it has been a year. I can't believe the changes I have experienced. I can't believe the nice things people have to say about me lately.

I posted this before/after collage on my own personal facebook profile and in my bariatric online support facebook group. Between those two posts, I received 300 plus likes, 40 plus comments, and 4 of my friends shared the picture on their wall with blurbs about how proud they were of me, and how I inspired them. I couldn't even deal with all the positivity being thrown my way, I could have cried. People were calling me an inspiration. I usually shrug off compliments, but just once I really let them all sink in.

It just so happened that my 1 year follow up with my surgeon and nutrionist fell on my actual surgery date. They were so kind and so complimentary of me, my nutrionist kept telling me I was killing it! And she begged me to send her a before/after picture for her office wall. So I did.

I had to do a redo of the in body test that I did right before surgery. It is basically a machine that breaks down the amount of fat, water, and muscle in your body. It was nice to see how far I have come.

 So here is 1 year of weight loss by the numbers:

Weight Loss:  Pre-surgery: 389lbs, Post-Surgery: 193lbs (195 lbs lost)

Pounds of fat in my body: Pre-surgery: 211 lbs, Post-Surgery: 67.7 lbs

BMI: Pre-surgery-59.4%, Post-surgery-30% (I am now in the overweight category, not morbidly obese, if I lose 5% more I will be in a normal range)

Pants Size: Pre-surgery, a tight 28, Post-Surgery: size 16/18

Miles Ran: 272

The transformation I have gone through in the last year has been so much more than physical. I have more confidence, and I worry less about what people think of me. I  used to feel like I had to overcome the first impression I made on people because I was so overweight (true or not, it is how I felt). I have less social anxiety, although it is still there, and it will always be there, as it is ingrained in my DNA. 

I am blessed that even when I was really fat, I still lived my life. I didn't hide, I didn't avoid experiences that were made more difficult because I was fat. Heck, there were times I didn't even want to post a picture of myself on the blog because I looked so fat, but did anyway, because I am a memory keeper at heart. Now I'm glad I did, because I still love that girl, even if she wasn't the most picturesque blogger.

Now I can do all the same activities without all the anxiety that came along with it. I run without fear of people thinking, "what is that fat girl doing running."  Now I can fly without worrying about what the person in the seat next to me thinks when I whip out my seatbelt extender, that I had bought to reduce the anxiety of having to ask the stewardest for one. 

The best aspect that I have gained in all of this is a sense of control. I once read in a weight loss memoir that, "there is being fat, and there is being on a runaway train." I was on a runaway train. I had given up, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and non-stop. It was my happy/mad/sad/bored place. And I hated every minute of it.

I have such control over what I eat now. I have learned the difference between real hunger and head hunger. When I want a snack now, I can stop and think, "Am I really hungry, or do I just want to eat something?" Then, I decide my next move from there. 

I'm so in tune with my body now.

Not that I have been perfect or that I always eat perfectly. I struggled a little over the holidays, just like everyone else did. But for the most part I stay on routine with eating and working out, but I am not militant about food (because militant eating won't last with me a lifetime). And I've learned that if I just have a bite of what I'm craving, I either find it not as good as I thought it would be or that 1-2 bites is enough to satifsy my craving.  And I can go to restaurants, order what I want, eat a small bit of everything and walk away feeling satisfied. I don't need to be uncomfortably full to know that I've had enough.

I haven't had to give up my love of food, but my love of food is not my whole life anywhere. 

This has been one crazy and wonderful year. Most people celebrated January 1st, 2014 as the first day of 2014, but I celebrated the new year and my new life on January 8th, 2014. I have a feeling that day will be just like a 2nd birthday to me.

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11 Month Surgiversery

I cannot believe that in one month it will be a whole year since my surgery. Heck, I can't believe we are in the last month of 2014. I'm torn between begging time to slow down and just wanting to go, go, go! 

I think of all my monthly surgiversery posts, I am most excited for this one. I had so many wins this month, the two biggest ones taking place over the weekend.

After dancing around the number for weeks & weeks (I lose more inches than pounds lately), I stepped on the scale on Sunday morning, and I saw this glorious number:

I apologize for sharing a picture of my ugly, ugly feet with the peeling pedicure. But I am too excited about my weight to care. I'm am under 200 lbs!! I have officially entered ONE-DER-LAND. It is glorious. They last time I remember being under 200 lbs, I was 180 lbs and in the 6th grade. So age 11?  Age 12? Or however old you are in 6th grade.

The best  part is knowing I never have to weigh over 200 lbs ever again. 

I would have never believed weighing under 200 lbs was a possibility for me! I could have cried on that scale, and I almost did. Instead, I texted my mother and my best girlfriends, and I ran down the hall to tell Adam the news. Even if he was sleeping, I just couldn't wait, I had to wake him up.  The old me would have celebrated the weight loss by eating something sinfully, delicious since I had the wiggle room. But the new me went out to do my scheduled training run instead.

I had three miles on the schedule. It's funny because 3 miles used to seem so impossible. But now it's no big deal to me (especially since last week I successfully ran a 7 miler).  I started on my run, and I felt pretty good. I was stunned when my app announced I had done a mile in 11:32. That beat my best mile time by about a minute! That is a crazy improvement! I also managed to beat my previous 5k time by about 6 minutes.

When I was in Wisconsin at the gym last week, they had inspirational quotes painted on the walls. One said,"Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going." That is exactly how I feel. Fitness and eating healthy is now just my habit, therefore my lifestyle.

And I'm head over heels in love with my new lifestyle.

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10 Month Surgiversery

I am about a week and a half late when it comes to posting about my ten month surgiversery. It seems to me after Halloween that time just started flying, and I have so many things I want to blog about, yet it feels like I have no time to sit down and write it all out.

Instead of posting a new picture, I decided to repost my picture from the Viva La Diva 10k. Because after the race, I was looking at this picture, and for the first time I didn't even recognize myself. The girl in this picture looks healthy and dare I say skinny? I can't even believe it.

I wouldn't see this girl on the street and think she looks so unhealthy. I wouldn't look at this girl and think she must sit on the couch all day eating pints of ice cream. I would not see this girl working out/running and think, "I can't believe that fat girl is actually running." I look at this picture, and I see myself as "normal." Which is all I ever wanted to be. I never wanted to stand out in the crowd because of my weight.

To be clear, I'm not at the weight yet I need to be. I am at 203, and I'm hoping in a few weeks I will finally reach Onederland. I have about 45 pounds left to lose before I am in the upper range of what I should weigh for my height. But the truth is I feel so good and content where I am right now. And if I only lost a few more pounds, I would be pleased. My only goal is to be under 200 pounds for the rest of my life.

That feels doable.

So far weight loss surgery has been the best choice I have ever made. For once, I made my health a priority, and I think feeling healthy is the best part of this whole transformation process.

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9 Month Surgiversery

I recently rang in 9 months since my surgery! I can't even believe it! I feel like overall things have been going so well. I mentioned a few months ago, I was struggling a little bit with hair thinning, but that seems like it has been resolving itself lately. I also had a minor health issue a few weeks ago, that wasn't necessarily related to my surgery, more related to all the unhealthy years I lived in this body before that. It is not something blog-worthy, but even though it was awful to go through, having gone through it spells out great things for my future. Sorry for the vagueness!

I thought for this particular surgiversery post, I would post 9 positive things happening in my life right now related to my weight loss:

1. I am no longer scared to go to the doctor and step on the scale. I used to avoid going to the Doctor because I was always terrified they would say something about my weight. But now I have no fear of the Doctor or the scale. 

2. I have a collarbone, shoulder bones, and hip bones that I can feel! I never even knew those existed.

3. I am 15 lbs away from being under 200 pounds, A.K.A Onederland. The last time I remember being under 200 pounds, I was in 6th grade and weighed 180lbs. 

4. When I used to tell people I was a runner, I would quantify it with, "but I'm so slow." I never thought people would believe such a fat girl would work out. Now I don't feel the need to quantify it. I can proudly say I am a runner.

5. People are always commenting on how pretty my eyes are nowadays. This never happened before. I think as I've lost weight in my face, my eyes have become more pronounced.

6. I have more energy overall. I can do more things before I feel fatigued, and I often wake up before my alarm goes off, ready to go. I can get up in the morning, go for a run, followed by a 10 hour work-day, and still find a little energy to do some chores after work.

7. With our upcoming trip to Disneyworld and Universal, I have no fears that I won't be able to fit on the rides. I know I can. I used to worry about that every time I went to a theme park. Many rides, I wouldn't even attempt, which was sad, because I love rides!

8. Although I hate constantly outgrowing clothes and having to buy new ones, it is fun to be a size 18/20 now, after so many years of being a size 26/28.

9.  I feel like a more worthwhile person now. I know it sounds sad, but I didn't always feel worthy of love or respect because I was fat. I felt like a weak person with no self-control. I know my value had nothing to do with my weight. And I wished it didn't take me losing all this weight to really begin loving myself. But that is just the facts for me. A little self-love is better late than never.

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8 Month Surgiversary

I'm bringing you this post a day late because I totally forgot about my surgiversary this month! I swear I was looking at the calendar yesterday thinking isn't there something special about the 8th? And then it finally dawned on me that it was my surgiversary! I plan on doing these posts until my 1 year, as long as I can remember to do them!

This month has been a very good one for me, and I have nothing but positive things to share. I am down about 167 pounds, and I am 27 pounds away from entering ONEDERLAND (weighing under 200 lbs). Which is one of my next weight loss goals, as well as weighing less than my husband for the first time ever. I have dropped my body fat percentage by 25 points, placing me in the obese category, rather than the morbidly obese category. It really is the little things you know? I'm really rocking my new label.

I'm so happy with where I am with my fitness level right now. I'm running consistently 3 days a week, and I love it so much! Sometimes I get cranky if I miss it, so I rarely miss it. When I first started running I couldn't do much better than a 20 minute mile, and now my personal record is 13:18. I still want to get faster and little by little I will. I start my official half marathon training on September 30th, and I can't wait.

I wanted to touch on something that has come up pretty frequently during this journey I am on. People often say to me, "I bet your husband is so happy with how you look now!" And I understand why they would say that, I think it is something I would say to someone else. I don't find that offensive at all. 

Adam is definitely complimentary toward how I look now. But he does not often say much about how much better I look now, or is he over the top with his compliments. I really like that about him. He has always loved me for exactly who I am. He does not seem more attracted to me now that I'm 227,  than he was when I was 389. If he complimented me like crazy, I would be wondering, "Wow, was I that ugly back then? Why was he with me?" So I have to give kudos to my husband for always making me feel worthy of his love.

I can't wait to see what the next month holds!

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Up, Up, & Away (And My 7 Month Surgiversary)

Number one agenda for our family vacation to Orange Beach, Alabama, was to go para-sailing. I had been planning that little adventure for the last few months, and I have been dreaming of actually doing it for years and years.

It all started back in middle school on one of the many church youth groups trips we took to the beach. Our youth pastor organized a trip to go para-sailing. As he was polling the group, seeing who wanted to go, he mentioned we would have to go in doubles, and that there was a combined weight limit. At my weight, I didn't believe I could find someone that I could ride with that wouldn't put us over the weight limit. Nor would I feel comfortable telling anyone my weight. So I just pretended I didn't want to go,  and I was secretly so disappointed & so mad at myself that I had gotten to that weight. Yet again, my weight had kept me from doing something I really wanted to do. I'm pretty sure I drowned my sorrows in candy bars that night.

That is just one of the moments in my long battle with weight that has always really stood out in my memory. So now that I'm 7 months out from surgery, and 150 pounds down, I felt it was time to make this dream happen!

On the morning we were supposed to go para-sailing, I was not nervous at all, I was excited! It is always funny to me that more daring things do not make me nervous, but I have such unnecessary levels of anxiety about everyday events. I'm like Para-sailing? No problem! Yet talking to a waitress at a restaurant can terrify me!

The only time I felt any nerves at all was when we were strapped in on the boat and the motor started running. Then I thought, "Am I sure I want to do this?" But it was too late to change my mind because we had lifted off a nano second later! Before I knew it, we were 800 feet in the air.

It was so quiet up there and surprisingly peaceful. I could have stayed up there for hours!

Before we lifted off, the boat driver asked us how wet we wanted to get, and I told him we were down for anything. So he really splashed us down in the water hard at the end of the ride (Everyone else just got their feet wet). That was one of the best parts.

It was such a wonderful experience and a wonderful day. I think that is the best part of this weight loss journey, it is allowing me to have adventures!

Below is my seven month surgiversary picture. Yes, I accidentally put Day 7, so just ignore that. But I felt really good about myself that day. Heck, I feel pretty good about myself most days lately.

 
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6 Month Surgiversary

For my 6 month anniversary, I wanted to post this picture of what I looked like a mere 3 weeks prior to my surgery.  The difference is astonishing. Sometimes I forget how far I've come. Although I never forget how bad it felt to be that size. How disgusting I felt, how out of control I felt. There is being fat and there is living life like a train that has jumped the tracks,  and I was that runaway train.

Sometimes I get impatient to lose more weight, as things have started to slow down. I'm no longer shedding 5+ pounds a week (I'm losing about 2 pounds a week. Which I know is to be expected and it is totally WONDERFUL and AMAZING that I'm still losing consistently). But there is something so fabulous about losing weight so fast, that once it slows down a bit, you miss it. I have never been a patient person, and I just want a crystal ball so I know where I'm going to be 6 months from now.

I forget to live in the now and enjoy the progress I've already made. So I'm working on just focusing on the daily wins and the non-scale victories.  Like the other day, when I ran in to someone I hadn't seen since last fall, and they asked, "Where is the rest of you?" Or when my client's parents ask what I've been doing, how I've been losing weight. Or the people who tell me I inspire them when I'm out for a run. Or the mere fact I can ran 4 miles, and how I am excitedly looking forward to my first half marathon.

It is about my surgeon and nutritionist telling me they are proud of me. It is about being able to plan activities like zipling and parasailing, which I could not do before because of my weight. And when I lose 15 more pounds, I can cross skydiving off my bucketlist. Yes, skydiving. 

I am happy where I am now.  I am happy to be active. I don't worry too much about going out in public in my swimsuit. I'm no longer fearful of the Doctor's office or stepping on the scale. And that means more than anything.

Happy 6 months to me! I can't wait to see where I will be 6 months from now. 

Eating after Weight Loss Surgery: Tangy, Hawaiian Meatballs

First of all, I have to ask for forgiveness for the poor quality of this picture. I snapped this shot right in my crock pot with my iPHONE! Bad job by me. Just know these meatballs are far more appetizing than they look in this picture. Second of all, the original recipe credit goes to this lovely lady.

Since I had my weight loss surgery, family, and friends are consistently curious about what I eat now. So I thought I would occasionally share with everyone what I have been eating lately. Starting with these made in my crock pot ,tangy, Hawaiian meatballs.

I love this recipe because it is delicious, Pompeii (my stomach) tolerates it very well, and it makes good leftovers that I can take to work for lunches for weeks (since I only eat 4-5 of them at a time). But most importantly it is good protein!

I broke her recipe in half, so I would not be eating meatballs for a lifetime. Here is my smaller version:

Ingredients:

• 1.5 lb pkg of precooked, Frozen Meatballs (or make your own)
• Can of Pineapple Chunks, drained yet save the juice
• 1/2 cup of Brown Sugar
• 1.5 tbsp Cornstarch
• 1/3 cup White Vinegar
• 1 Tbl. Soy Sauce
• A Dash of Cayenne Pepper to Taste

Instructions:

1. Place meatballs in crock pot and top with drained pineapple chunks.
2. In a bowl, mix pineapple juice, brown sugar, cornstarch, vinegar, cayenne pepper and soy sauce.
3. Pour sauce over meatballs and pineapple.
4. Cook on low for 3-4 hours or until heated through.
5. Serve warm

Five Month Surgiversary

This weekend I celebrated my five month surgiversary A.K.A the day my stomach adapted its own personality and the name Pompeii! I almost forgot all about my surgiversary. Sometimes I struggle to remember how long it has been, having to count on my fingers to configure the date.  As time goes by, the newness of this change continues to wear off, and it is just a part of my daily life. My new reality.

However, I never forget my weekly Wednesday weigh ins, and I am happy to report I have lost 120 pounds. I am well under 300 now, and that feels so freakin good. While I still feel fat (and I am still fat), I no longer feel like the obese elephant in the room these days. I blend in better, I'm less scared of what people are thinking of me. 

I was always so worried about what people thought of me.

I have had so many non-scale victories this month:

• Fitting into a size 18/20 Top
• I No Longer Snore, Not Even a Little Bit (Adam says sometimes he has to check to see if I'm even breathing). 
• No More Heart Burn (I used to think I was a fire breathing dragon disguised as a human)
• No More Sciatica!!!!
• Having More Energy
• Being able to run 2-3 miles consistently

The only negative so far is I have noticed in the last couple of weeks that my hair is thinning. Which is really common after surgery, I won't lose it all, and it will grow back. It has been somewhat distressing to me because growing up a fat girl, I used to feel that my hair was my only positive asset.  So I'm afraid to lose that asset. Plus, I'm just a normal girl, who frequently fusses over my hair anyway.

I would much rather have the health benefits I'm seeing now and deal with a little temporary hair loss, then have lush hair, and still weigh nearly 400 pounds. It can't be all weight loss, rainbows, butterflies and ponies, I guess. 

Most days I just feel so happy/grateful/overwhelmed that I was even given this opportunity to start all over again.

Four Month Surgiversary

I cannot believe it has already been 4 months past my surgery. Four months after years and years of wanting to have surgery. I am currently down 107 lbs. That is astonishing, I couldn't be happier. People comment on my weight loss all the time, which I love and hate all at the same time. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable when the same people ask me over and over how much weight I've lost, I don't even know why. And yet sometimes I love when people ask!

I guess it depends on what type of mood I am in that day. 

I feel like I've begun to find a type of peace with food that I've never, ever had before. Sure, I have more self-control now, because I have a tiny tummy that keeps me out of trouble, but I am finding myself disinterested in all the foods I used to obsessed over. I also like that people have stopped tip-toeing around me when they want to eat items I can't eat. Adam used to only eat fast food if I wasn't around, and he would then try to hide it from me. Now he asks me to pick up food for him on my way home from work! 

I have also had a little bit of an epiphany. Recently, I have struggled with going out to restaurants because I eat so little, so to me, it feels like wasted money. I was talking about this with my wonderful therapist that I've seen off and on since I was 14 (fun fact, when I met her she was working at the same place I work at now). She talked about how I needed to just focus on the social aspect of going out to restaurants. She is so right! I think in the past going out to eat was all about the food and any socialization was secondary to that.

I also shared with her, that since I am still a fat girl, I feel embarrassed that I eat so little when we are eating out. I think the wait staff will judge me for being on such an extreme diet. Then it hit me, I used to be embarrassed about how much I ate, and now I'm embarrassed by how little  I'm eating.

When do I give myself a break? 

That was a turning point for me, I can't let food cause me so much anxiety anymore. That was the problem in the first place.

Three Month Surgiversary

Sunday morning, I had my most joyous day on my weight loss surgery journey. I stepped on the scale to find I weighed 299.8. For the first time in five years, I am under 300 lbs!  That means I've lost some 88 lbs. Yes, my starting weight was 387. I have thought long and hard about whether I wanted to post that number on the blog. It is an embarrassing, scary number and most people lie about their weight. But I just think I've spent a lifetime being ashamed of my weight, and I don't want to be that way anymore. I was/am obese, but that is not a character flaw, and I'm taking steps to change that now. I can't go back and change any of the mistakes I've made throughout my lifetime about my health & fitness. 

This month has been a really good month. Pompeii is starting to behave better and better. I have had a lot fewer incidents of getting sick, except for times when it has been my fault (eating too fast, not chewing well,  or taking an extra bite when I knew I was full). I've learned how to make eating choices on the fly if I have to (what to grab on a road trip, what I can eat in a restaurant). I'm still making some mistakes too, I got really addicted to Sonic Unsweet Tea for a while, before I remembered that tea has caffeine, which is a diuretic, and exactly what I didn't need when I'm working hard to get my fluids in. 

I did get some Uncaffinated peach tea packets to mix into water, which is hitting the spot. 

I still haven't had any hunger, but sometimes I feel "empty". Which I'm guessing is hunger, but since they have taken out the part of my stomach that produces the hunger hormone, the signal does not get sent to my brain. But I try to take note of that empty feeling and eat a wedge of cheese or something!  But for the most part, I don't even feel like eating, and I have to remind myself to sit down and be mindful of what I am eating.

I have officially lost a size in my clothing, and some of my staple clothing is starting to get baggy and long. I have one pair of pants that fit perfectly just a month ago, but now have gotten so long that I tripped at work because of them. In front of tons of people, hilarious and mortifying. I'm trying to decide whether it is worth it to alter them or just buy new clothing. I have a feeling I'm going to be constantly buying new clothes for a while. Not that I'm complaining, first world problems and all that jazz!

I've really kicked up my work out regimen this month, now that I'm over the bronchitis that dominated last month. I just completed C25K Week Three, and tomorrow I start week 4, which is 1/4th mile runs. I so want to dominate the Cotton Row in May, I swear I will run that thing start to finish even if it kills me. 

My accountability buddy Jana and I are even talking about doing the Disney world Princess Half Marathon in February, which seems ambitious since I haven't even ran an entire 5k yet, but I believe I can do it. I really do, even though I'm terrified. I once read this quote, "If it's both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it." So that is what I'm doing. Pursuing it.

Plus I really want to run as my favorite Princess, Belle! I mean check out this tutu!

I just think my weight loss has given me some new confidence to believe that I can do these things, and that my weight no longer has to hold me back. Although to be fair to myself, I should have never let it hold me back in the first place.

Things Only Hoped For

I found this quote the other day on pinterest, and it keeps swimming around in my head. It resonated with me so much. Not so much the first part but the second part, "Remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

It may sound strange to say but it reminds me of my weight loss surgery. Or at least the journey I went on to get weight loss surgery. My journey did not start on my surgery day, nor did it start when I first met with my surgeon. My journey started five years ago, when the thought,"I could just have weight loss surgery," first briefly flashed through my mind. I quickly dismissed that thought.

I was on a successful diet at the time, down to my lowest weight ever as an adult. At that time in my life, I was convinced I would never gain that weight back. But of course, I gained back everything I had lost plus 30 pounds.

I seriously started to consider surgery three years after that regain. I met with my Californian doctor, a kind, older gentleman, who never said one wit about my weight (making him one of my favorite doctors ever). I sat in his office, Adam by my side, and embarrassingly sobbed to him about how unhappy I was and how I wanted to have surgery.

He did not agree with that choice, telling me even after surgery I would have all the same problems I had before the surgery. That I would probably always have food issues, but he gave me a referral to a surgeon anyway.

I walked out feeling defeated.

Before meeting with the surgeon, I decided I should call my insurance company and see what their polices were for that type of procedure. They informed me on certain terms that there was absolutely nothing I could do to get them to cover it, Adam's employer opted out of covering any bariatric procedures. I remember the devastation that washed over me, the feeling that no one wanted to help me.  I remember laying in bed crying like a broken hearted teenage girl. I remember Adam holding me, saying we would figure it all out, somehow, someday. I had to let it go, there was nothing I could do. 

A couple of years later, we moved to Alabama. I was working full time, we were more financially secure, and we decided we wanted to start trying to have a baby.  I always figured I would have a problem getting pregnant. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) at a very young age. But everyone told me I was worrying too much, and everyone was telling me their success stories of getting pregnant-once, twice, three time with PCOS.

I knew in my heart of hearts that would not be the case for me. 

We tried for several months and nothing happened. I went to my gynecologist, he started me on clomid to get my ovaries  moving. He told me that particular drug sometimes causes people to have twins and multiples. I joked that I could be the new Kate Plus Eight (minus the bitchiness and bad hair dos). 

It didn't work.

He upped the dosage 1x, 2x, 3x. I never even ovulated. 

I asked him many times if it was my weight. He was not overly concerned about my weight, but said it could be a contributing factor. He referred me to a fertility specialist, but I didn't know if I was ready to go down that road. Shell out all that money for something like IVF, which may or may not work. 

Again, I just let it go. 

A few month later, I was working the summer program at work, and I lifted a cooler that I had no business lifting, and so started my battle with sciatica. Or what I thought was sciatica.  It paralyzed me, it stopped my running regimen. I put on even more weight. It would not go away, so the doctor sent me to get an MRI.   

The day I went to the doctor to get my results was one of my toughest appointments I've ever had. 

The nurse could not get the scale to weigh me due to me being over the weight limit. She lead me to other scales, none of them would weigh me. I was mortified. She had me estimate my weight, I subtracted 40 pounds. The doctor came in and told me I didn't have sciatica, but I had weakness in my lower back, caused by my weight. He made a referral for me for the weight loss surgeon without even asking me if that is what I wanted to do.

I cried for a long time that night. I cried because I was embarrassed, I cried because I knew the insurance wouldn't cover it, I cried because I had let myself get to that point in the first place. 

I decided to go anyway because it could hurt nothing more than my pocketbook. 

The rest is history, and if you are wondering the insurance would not cover my surgery. We ended up taking out a loan. If we were still in California, we would have never been in the place where we could afford that loan. If I never struggled with fertility, I would not have had surgery (plus when I lose weight if I can't get pregnant, I can live with that, at least it won't because I'm fat). If I never had months and months of leg pain, I would not have ended up in that office after all.

As cheesy as it sounds, I believe everything does happen for a reason, and everything was a cog in the machine that got me to the good place I am in now.

Bits N' Pieces

Just a few things I wanted to share that didn't really need their own blog post:

1. A few weekends ago, Adam and I finally played the game I've coveted since childhood (that he got me for Valentine's Day), 13 Dead End Drive. I seriously love a board game night. I swear sometimes at work, I get really excited when my clients pick a game I want to play.  We really had a fun time with this game, and I won both rounds, Adam was playing it "too careful." It was so very satisfying to drop a chandelier on Adam's head.

2. I am so excited to be heading down to Jackson, Mississippi, this weekend for their famous St. Paddy's Day Parade! I stocked up on so much "bling" for my girlfriends and me to wear. I've been somewhat obsessed! You would think by how excited I am that I was 100% Irish, instead of what I really am, just a wee bit Irish.

3. I found this adorable gastric sleeve plushie from this etsy shop. When I came across it, I knew I just had to have it. It is Pompeii in stuffed animal form! It is also a daily reminder of what I'm working with and working toward!

4. I've been working on this 1,000 piece Normal Rockwell puzzle for several weekends now. It may be nerdy, but I have complete a 1,000 piece puzzle on my bucket list. I'm finding working on it to be really relaxing. I'm sure it is going to take me several more weekends to complete, but I can't wait to snap in that last piece.