On January 8th, I celebrated my 1 year surgiversery. I waited all this time afterward to post about it because I've been so overwhelmed by it all, in the best way possible. I just can't believe it has been a year. I can't believe the changes I have experienced. I can't believe the nice things people have to say about me lately.
I posted this before/after collage on my own personal facebook profile and in my bariatric online support facebook group. Between those two posts, I received 300 plus likes, 40 plus comments, and 4 of my friends shared the picture on their wall with blurbs about how proud they were of me, and how I inspired them. I couldn't even deal with all the positivity being thrown my way, I could have cried. People were calling me an inspiration. I usually shrug off compliments, but just once I really let them all sink in.
It just so happened that my 1 year follow up with my surgeon and nutrionist fell on my actual surgery date. They were so kind and so complimentary of me, my nutrionist kept telling me I was killing it! And she begged me to send her a before/after picture for her office wall. So I did.
I had to do a redo of the in body test that I did right before surgery. It is basically a machine that breaks down the amount of fat, water, and muscle in your body. It was nice to see how far I have come.
So here is 1 year of weight loss by the numbers:
Weight Loss: Pre-surgery: 389lbs, Post-Surgery: 193lbs (195 lbs lost)
Pounds of fat in my body: Pre-surgery: 211 lbs, Post-Surgery: 67.7 lbs
BMI: Pre-surgery-59.4%, Post-surgery-30% (I am now in the overweight category, not morbidly obese, if I lose 5% more I will be in a normal range)
Pants Size: Pre-surgery, a tight 28, Post-Surgery: size 16/18
Miles Ran: 272
The transformation I have gone through in the last year has been so much more than physical. I have more confidence, and I worry less about what people think of me. I used to feel like I had to overcome the first impression I made on people because I was so overweight (true or not, it is how I felt). I have less social anxiety, although it is still there, and it will always be there, as it is ingrained in my DNA.
I am blessed that even when I was really fat, I still lived my life. I didn't hide, I didn't avoid experiences that were made more difficult because I was fat. Heck, there were times I didn't even want to post a picture of myself on the blog because I looked so fat, but did anyway, because I am a memory keeper at heart. Now I'm glad I did, because I still love that girl, even if she wasn't the most picturesque blogger.
Now I can do all the same activities without all the anxiety that came along with it. I run without fear of people thinking, "what is that fat girl doing running." Now I can fly without worrying about what the person in the seat next to me thinks when I whip out my seatbelt extender, that I had bought to reduce the anxiety of having to ask the stewardest for one.
The best aspect that I have gained in all of this is a sense of control. I once read in a weight loss memoir that, "there is being fat, and there is being on a runaway train." I was on a runaway train. I had given up, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and non-stop. It was my happy/mad/sad/bored place. And I hated every minute of it.
I have such control over what I eat now. I have learned the difference between real hunger and head hunger. When I want a snack now, I can stop and think, "Am I really hungry, or do I just want to eat something?" Then, I decide my next move from there.
I'm so in tune with my body now.
Not that I have been perfect or that I always eat perfectly. I struggled a little over the holidays, just like everyone else did. But for the most part I stay on routine with eating and working out, but I am not militant about food (because militant eating won't last with me a lifetime). And I've learned that if I just have a bite of what I'm craving, I either find it not as good as I thought it would be or that 1-2 bites is enough to satifsy my craving. And I can go to restaurants, order what I want, eat a small bit of everything and walk away feeling satisfied. I don't need to be uncomfortably full to know that I've had enough.
I haven't had to give up my love of food, but my love of food is not my whole life anywhere.
This has been one crazy and wonderful year. Most people celebrated January 1st, 2014 as the first day of 2014, but I celebrated the new year and my new life on January 8th, 2014. I have a feeling that day will be just like a 2nd birthday to me.
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