One Month

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I wanted to post a picture of me with this post to "celebrate" being one month post weight loss surgery. You know how bloggers are always posting pictures of their ever expanding pregnant bellies? I was thinking why not do a weekly/monthly post about my ever shrinking food baby.

I could write stuff like, "Dear Food Baby, This week I'm craving pureed chicken, greek yogurt, & refried beans. Well, I don't know if craving is the right word, but it is what I like most out of the stuff I'm allowed to eat. My nausea is getting better every day! I've only thrown up once this week! But it was at work, which was highly unfortunate and inconvenient. Your father has been out of town for two weeks, which means I am no longer a princess being waiting on hand and foot. I have had to take out the trash twice, I keep forgetting to turn off the closet light (I bet it is on right now), one day I went to work with the heat still on full blast, and I had to kill a spider on my own!  (That involved a lot of squealing and chemical spraying until I dared to get close enough to squash it."

See doesn't that sound an awful lot like pregnancy?

But in all seriousness, I really was going to take a picture, but Adam has been out of town for what feels like forever! And I didn't really want to ask a coworker to take a picture of me for my blog. I am allowed to write a blog where I work, but I typically don't bring that up at work, because then they might want to read it, and that might get awkward. Plus, do you ever feel silly saying the word "blog" out loud? I totally do.

So alas, I am picture less on my monthiversary. However, I am very, very thrilled with my progress so far. I am 40-45 pounds lighter than my highest weight (depending on what scale I use). But it really isn't even about the numbers. My double chin is shrinking, my legs look nice and toned, and I am still so obsessed with my skinny ankles. And those jeans that were getting a little too tight, feel so comfortable now.

People are starting to notice, even people I haven't told about my surgery. My coworkers keep asking me how much I've lost and keep complimenting me for it. It is weird to have people compliment me on my body, just because I have never really had that before (except from my husband, he likes the junk in my trunk & is worried I will lose it).

The other day one someone commented on how energetic I am lately. I hadn't noticed really, I  told them I didn't feel much more energetic, just happier. I am so much happier. For so long I felt like I was a car headed down hill with broken breaks, I just couldn't stop it, and at some point I decided I was just going to crash eventually, and I gave up altogether. I feel like I've finally gotten my power back, my self-control, and that makes life so much better. 

But I have started to realize I do have more energy, I don't find it so essential to nap on the weekends anymore, and when I get home from work, I don't necessarily just veg out on the couch. Last week, I spent two hours cleaning out my closet on a Monday night,  and then yesterday I organized the bathroom (I have been on a de-cluttering kick lately, and I am dreaming of a trip to The Container Store).  I am even staying up later at night, although I don't know if that is a good thing.  I think this has less to do with the weight loss and more to do with not eating crap.

I have learned a little about my eating habits too. Sometimes I find myself reaching for a chip because they are on the table or going to grab some candy off my boss's desk, out of habit, not of hunger, and I have to stop myself. Sometimes I will even think to myself or say aloud, "I'm hungry," before realizing I'm really not. I'm just in the habit of eating what is in front of me or saying, "I'm hungry."

I have only had three times so far, where it slightly bothered me that I couldn't just eat what I wanted. Two of those times seemed so silly. I really wanted to try the new Cheeseburger pizza from Papa John's and the Chicken Enchilada Sub topped with Fritos from Subway. Man, those commercials made it look so good! And then Thursday at work, the whole building around lunch time smelt like a combination of Taco Bell, Jimmy John's, and sugar. They even served a cookie cake at our staff meeting, which had me pining a little. But I got over it fairly quickly.

That is such a win for me, free food is not something I could ever easily turn down. I love free food. Once I went to Taco Bell and their debit card machine was broken, so they gave me my meal for free! It ranks as one of the best moments of my life. I kid, I kid, but it was pretty awesome.

The one thing I have been struggling with is people telling me they are "proud of me." Part of me feels like my stomach is doing all the work. Sometimes I feel like I should have been able to do this the old fashioned way. 

I've been watching my 600 lb life on TLC lately. It is a show about extremely obese people getting weight loss surgery. One of the women on the show, continues to gain weight in the days/months/year after her surgery. I find this astonishing. It was so hard to even sip water in the beginning, I have no clue how she was still eating fried foods so soon. You would feel so sick. Of course, I read the comments about the show on twitter, slaying her, and bashing fat people in general. But my heart goes out to her, her food addiction is soo strong.  

I was telling my own therapist about this show, and later I told her how I didn't feel like people should be "proud of me." She pointed out, that not everyone who has the surgery, does what they are supposed to do (like the woman on 600 lb life), and I am doing what I'm supposed to do.

And you know what? She is right. I am proud of myself for that.